We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.