I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
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Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!