We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
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Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.