That's intense
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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