I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
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Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.