...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.