I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????