Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
please don't ironically join a cult