You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.