I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?