Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.