Why are you drunk at the library?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.