I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..