As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.