In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!