I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Send us your Text From Last Night!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.