Texts From Last Night

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(218): View more from Minnesota

It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.

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(218): It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited. http://tfl.nu/4qpj

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(302): View more from Delaware

You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.

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(302): You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English. http://tfl.nu/fod6

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(509): View more from Washington

threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again

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(509): threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again http://tfl.nu/loxl

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(530): View more from California

That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.

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(530): That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues. http://tfl.nu/t5d7

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(785): View more from Kansas

if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.

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(785): if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start. http://tfl.nu/i0wv

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(876): View more from Jamaica

i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend

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(876): i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend http://tfl.nu/snpm

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(804): View more from Virginia

I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for

(804): View more from Virginia

Oh my god she just threw up on her dog

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(804): I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for (804): Oh my god she just threw up on her dog http://tfl.nu/gcjh

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(916): View more from California

Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable

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(916): Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable http://tfl.nu/5q9j

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(443): View more from Maryland

He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.

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(443): He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever. http://tfl.nu/42ep

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Slow dancing with the chandelier.

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(828): Slow dancing with the chandelier. http://tfl.nu/w34r

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(512): View more from Texas

There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.

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(512): There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it. http://tfl.nu/1bu2

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(914): View more from New York

Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.

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(914): Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73. http://tfl.nu/mdyq

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess

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(908): I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess http://tfl.nu/xjsr

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.

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(412): So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now. http://tfl.nu/x0w2

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.

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(+44): I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina. http://tfl.nu/fp84

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