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We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
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