I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
