Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.