Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Send us your Text From Last Night!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her