Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Send us your Text From Last Night!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
God, I missed his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.