After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.