hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
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He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
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So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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