her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
