A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
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There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.