Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.