It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
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she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win