Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol