I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
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I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says