I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
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There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
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He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
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I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman