Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
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I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.