Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
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His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?