I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on a dog bed..
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.