I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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