I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
