I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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