Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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