While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
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Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
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I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
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I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?