Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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