You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
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My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.