Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Send us your Text From Last Night!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
