Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
