she looked like the before picture.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
