yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
are you so shy because you have an std?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Randomize
