The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼‍♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
