Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night