Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize