10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship