The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
