I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
