So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
