I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
