You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.