found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.