Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God