just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Send us your Text From Last Night!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser