It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
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I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Drake has all the answers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.