Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
