Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work