There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole